Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
