we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize