Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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