Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
