I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
her facebook's as public as her vagina
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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