Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
