that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
