How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize