Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize