Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
