i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
