I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
