I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize