Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
