Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
