"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
