Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
