Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
