I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're like the curious george of whores
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
