Sry I called you an 8
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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