I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I want to be your penis for a week.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
