he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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