then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
