And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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