Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
