saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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