i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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