So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
