I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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