She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
