Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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