So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
