found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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