I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
