Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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