Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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