Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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