I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize