I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
