all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
