I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
