mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
