More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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