We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
