Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
