How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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