you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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