Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
