Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
