highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize