Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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