I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
