We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
