a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize