I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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