Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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