Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
