I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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