A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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