That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
