Whats the glycemic index on semen?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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