my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
