its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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