boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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