so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize