Define "chronic" masturbator.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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