i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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