I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
