the condom got lost in my hair
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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