I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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