I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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