First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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