if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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