we have pet lesbian snakes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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