I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My feet surprised me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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