i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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