Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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