I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
