So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
