I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
