now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just invented taco cereal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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