I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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