my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
