R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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