That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
