I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
