are you still at the devil's house?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize