JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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