the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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