I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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