i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
