I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You ruined the universe
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