ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
