Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
