12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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